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| so im confuzed. i dont know what i want outta life
i dont like myself quite frankly i dislike myself very much, dont ask why cause i couldnt tell you. all i know is i suck (and im not looking for sympathy comments here)
im only writing this stuff down because when i see it in writing sometime i understand myself better
i hate the word better
why cant i just be happy with good enough?
everything could ALWAYS be better so ill never be happy! i dont really understand what Psalm 37:4 means except that i know that verse if for me. its eeerie how God has pushed that verse continually into my path. freaky. but wat the HECK does "delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart", mean? i mean first of all i have NO idea how to "delight myself in the lord" and i have no clue wat i desire! i know thats pathetic i mean i could give you the genaric answers like love and joy and peace and comfort but how do i even know when ive got those? or even enough of those? i suck , completely and thouroughly suck
i feel like i constantly need a boyfriend. im fully aware i dont NEED that at all but id like one but thats not wat will make my life more joyful. i cant learn to be ok with myself alone and i dont want to have to rely on boys to make me feel like im important or worth living.
im just a vapor in the wind useless and lame.
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh why do i hate life?! i just wanna have fun and be happy and simple like all my friends. just giggle giggle giggle thats all they do everyday all day and all they need is a boyfriend and someone to laugh with.
i want to be that
satisfied | | |
| you say you see no hope
you say you see no reason we should dream that this world would ever change
you say that love is foolish to believe
cause there'll always be some crazy with an army or a knife
to wake you from your day dream
put the fear back in your life
look, if someone wrote a play
just to glorify whats stronger than hate
would they not arrange the stage to look as if the hero came too late?
he's almost in defeat
it's looking like the evil side will win
so on the edge of every seat
from the moment that the whole thing begins
it's love that mixed the morter
and it's love that stacked these stones
and it's love who made the stage here
though it looks like we're alone
in this scene set in shadows
like the night is here to stay
there is evil cast around us but it's love that wrote the play
in this darkness love will show the way
now the stage is set
you can hear your own heart beating in your chest
cause life's not over yet
so we get up on our feet and do our best
we play against the fear
we play against the reasons not to try
we play for the tears burning in the happy angel's eyes
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| im tired and weary
im lonely
it's not a guilt trip, it's the truth.
i feel o so very much alone. even though im with so many people all the time. im not happy and i dont know how to fix it. ive been waiting and waiting for someone to come along. you know i have lord. someone to answer me, to just listen, if i keep waiting, will it all be in vain?
i find someone and im afraid to cling, afriad to hold on so tightly, they always leave. i cant depend on them, theyre just kids themselves. but in my heart im so attatched and therefore so easily hurt.
they never know.
look at her,
watch her spiral down and down.
she jumped.
it was and still is her own will.
where she'll land and who she'll be when she gets there? no one knows
i hate watching this. what am I to do? i know her blood is on her own hands now, but i cant let her go. do something already Jesus! how can you STAND free will when this is what people choose to do with it? You are far more loving, full of grace, patience, and understanding than i ever will be.
i see the best in people.
and when they dont even try to live up to that... .. i can barely stand to watch. all i can ask is Why? how can you do that to someone you call your God.? your Savior!
its all or nothing, if you are lukewarm why should God want anything to do with you?
Psalm 37:4
Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.
Psalm 84:11
For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor; no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless.
2 Corinthians 4:8-9
We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.
when did you fall in love with me? was it out of the blue? cause i swear i never knew it. what a beautiful surprize.
save me a dance around the milky way.
say hey to Jesus. tell Him I'm missing Him too. | | |
| life is alright,
it really is. 
nothing a daydream cant mend
you know what?
i know that i dont need a boyfriend right now. i know i dont, thats a fact, im not getting married for quite some time (if at all) and thats the only reason id need to get to know a guy that extremely well. i want to be friends i want to actually know them. who is the boy with the hopes and dreams? who is that boy who breathes truth? love has the final move.
as i said. i know that, a dating relationship is not needed right now. remind me of that lord and friends though, because i will find it hard to say no to things that seem so right, in the world's eyes and even in the church's eyes. when seemingly nothing could be wrong with that relationship. yet just because it looks great, does that mean its actually god's plan? i'll let him decide. if god plans to give me to a husband. then he will. but it will not be now. so why should i care? why should i worry myself about it or dwell on such things?
boys arent important right now. relationships are though. so take the time to get to know the real them.
you cant write such a comedy without some conspiracy,
as the saying goes, it doesnt hurt to dream,
as long as you know i find it all so amusing. | | |
| wow im such a little dreamer. get a life meg. haha
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